Kellie Alexander

Have you ever looked around at your life and wondered, What am I supposed to do now?

Maybe your children are grown and building lives of their own. Maybe your husband is at the peak of his career, and you’ve spent years supporting him, raising the children, managing the household, and making sure everyone has what they need to succeed.

Or maybe you’re divorced, separated or widowed. Maybe life has taken an unexpected turn, and the future you thought you were building doesn’t look anything like the future you’re facing now.

Whatever your circumstances, you find yourself in a place you never expected to be.

Alone.

Not necessarily without people around you. You might have a husband, children, friends, or family. But somewhere along the way, you realize that you’re the one who has to figure out what comes next for you.

And you have no idea where to start.

It’s as if you’ve spent years out in the middle of the ocean, keeping everyone else afloat. You helped them build their boats. You made sure they had the supplies they needed. You encouraged them when the waves got rough. You helped them navigate toward their destinations.

And now, one by one, they’ve headed off toward their own futures.

They’re doing well. They’re making progress. They’re living their lives.

And there you are, treading water.

You start looking around and asking some uncomfortable questions.

Where is my life raft?

Where is my boat?

Where is my yacht?

Where is my life ring?

How did I spend so much time making sure everyone else could stay afloat that I forgot to build something for myself?

You Didn’t Do Something Wrong by Loving Your Family

Let’s get something straight.

Raising your children, supporting your husband, and investing in your family were not necessarily mistakes.

Your children needed a mother. Your marriage required partnership. Your family needed your time, attention, and care.

You showed up. You did what you believed you were supposed to do.

And there’s nothing wrong with loving people enough to invest in their lives.

But somewhere along the way, it’s possible that you became so accustomed to being needed by everyone else that you stopped asking yourself what you needed.

You became the person who kept everything running.

The problem solver. The encourager. The caretaker. The one who remembered the appointments, anticipated the needs, and figured out how to make everything work.

You became very good at helping other people move forward.

But did you give yourself the same attention?

Did you develop your own interests, pursue your own goals, build your own skills, and nurture a vision for the woman you wanted to become?

Maybe you did. If so, that’s wonderful.

But if you didn’t, you’re not alone.

And you’re not too old to start.

You don’t have to condemn the woman you were in order to become the woman you want to be.

You can appreciate what you’ve given to others while acknowledging that it’s time to give some attention to yourself.

The Question That Can Change Your Direction

Here’s where I want you to start.

Forget about figuring out the rest of your life for a moment.

Forget about finding your purpose, discovering your passion, or coming up with some grand five-year plan.

Today, I want you to ask yourself one question:

What is the biggest problem standing between me and the life I want to be living?

Not every problem.

Not every regret.

Not everything you wish you had done differently.

Just the biggest problem.

Maybe you don’t know what you want anymore because you’ve spent so many years defining yourself through your relationships and responsibilities.

Maybe you know exactly what you want, but you don’t believe you have the skills to make it happen.

Maybe your biggest obstacle is financial. Perhaps you’ve been dependent on someone else’s income for years, and now you need to figure out how to support yourself.

Maybe you’re afraid.

Afraid of failing. Afraid of looking foolish. Afraid that you’re too old to start over. Afraid that people will criticize you for wanting something different.

Maybe you have a dream, but you’ve been waiting for someone to give you permission to pursue it.

Or perhaps you’ve already started rebuilding your life, but you’ve reached a point where you feel stuck.

Whatever your circumstances, there’s probably something specific you could address today that would move you closer to where you want to be.

You don’t need to solve every problem at once.

You need to identify the one that’s standing in your way right now.

Because when you can name the problem, you have somewhere to begin.

You Don’t Have to Start at the Bottom

One of the things I want women in midlife to understand is that rebuilding doesn’t look the same for everyone.

Some women are standing at the bottom of the ladder, faced with multiple choices and they are just trying to figure out which direction to climb.

They may be rebuilding their finances, developing new skills, or trying to figure out who they are outside the roles they’ve occupied for decades.

Other women are halfway up the ladder of their choosing.

They’ve already made significant changes. They’ve started a business, returned to school, developed new relationships, or begun pursuing something they’ve always wanted to do.

But now they’ve hit an obstacle, and they need to figure out how to move past it.

And some women feel like they’ve already built a wonderful life. They’re happy with their relationships, satisfied with their accomplishments, and grateful for where they are.

Even then, there’s still an opportunity to ask:

What is one thing I could address today that would make my life better?

Maybe it’s improving a relationship. Maybe it’s taking better care of yourself. Maybe it’s learning something new, finally tackling a project you’ve been putting off, or making a decision you’ve avoided.

Growth doesn’t always mean starting over.

Sometimes it means making a good life a little better.

Wherever you are on the ladder, there’s a next step available to you.

And before we go one step further, I want to clarify something important. You don’t have to compare your starting point with someone else’s progress. You just have to figure out where you are and what needs your attention now.

Stop Trying to Solve Everything at Once

Here’s where we can get ourselves into trouble.

We look at the gap between where we are and where we want to be, and suddenly we feel overwhelmed.

We think about all the things we need to learn, all the decisions we need to make, all the money we need to save, all the changes we need to implement, and all the years we believe we’ve lost.

And we freeze.

We convince ourselves that because we can’t see the entire path, we can’t take the first step. Let’s reject that notion from the start.

If your biggest problem is that you don’t know how to support yourself financially, your first step might be researching career options or identifying skills you could develop.

If your biggest problem is that you’ve lost touch with your interests, your first step might be trying something you’ve always wanted to do.

If your biggest problem is fear, your first step might be doing one small thing that challenges the belief that you’re incapable, and build that new muscle.

If you know what you want but don’t know how to get there, your first step might be asking someone who has already done it.

You don’t need a perfect plan.

You just need a starting point.

And once you’ve taken that first step, you can evaluate what you’ve learned and decide what comes next.

That’s how progress happens.

One decision. One action. One problem addressed at a time.

Your Challenge for Today: Identify the Problem

I want you to take a few minutes today and do something simple.

Get a piece of paper and answer these three questions.

1. Where do I want to be?

Don’t worry about whether your answer sounds impressive or realistic to someone else.

Think about what would make your life feel more meaningful, secure, fulfilling, or aligned with the woman you want to become.

What do you want your life to look like?

2. What’s the biggest thing standing between me and that goal?

Be honest with yourself.

Is it a lack of knowledge? A financial obstacle? A fear you’ve allowed to make decisions for you? A habit that keeps you stuck? A difficult decision you’ve been avoiding?

Try to identify the actual obstacle rather than writing down a vague feeling.

For example, instead of saying, “My life is a mess,” you might write, “I don’t have a clear plan for earning an income independently.”

That’s a problem you can begin to address.

3. What’s one thing I can do about it today?

Not next month.

Not when you feel more confident.

Not when the circumstances are perfect.

Today.

Your action doesn’t have to be enormous. It just needs to be something that moves you in the right direction.

You might spend 20 minutes researching a career. You might make a phone call, sign up for a class, create a budget, or write down a list of possibilities.

The goal isn’t to fix your entire life in one afternoon.

The goal is to stop treating the problem as something you can do nothing about.

You have a place to begin.

And that’s important.

You Can Start Building Your Life Raft Today

Maybe you’ve spent decades putting other people first.

Maybe you’ve experienced losses you never imagined you’d have to endure.

Maybe the life you thought you would be living at this stage looks nothing like the life you’re actually living.

You can’t go back and change the past.

But you can decide what you want to do with the life you have today.

You can learn new things. You can develop new skills. You can establish new goals. You can build relationships that reflect who you are becoming. You can make decisions that move you toward a future you actually want.

You can start building your life raft.

And you don’t have to wait until you feel completely ready.

You don’t have to know exactly where you’re going.

You don’t even have to be certain that your first step is perfect.

You just have to be willing to look honestly at your life, identify what needs to change, and take responsibility for the part that’s yours to address.

That doesn’t mean you control every circumstance.

It means you recognize where you still have choices.

And you begin there.

So, whether you’re standing at the bottom of the ladder, halfway up, or already living a life you’re grateful for, here’s my question for you:

What’s the one problem you can address today that would move your life in the direction you want it to go?

Start there.

You may discover that the next chapter of your life doesn’t require you to have everything figured out.

It simply requires you to take the next step.

If you are looking for help in identifying the next step, comment below NEXT STEP. Someone will reach out to you to begin a conversation about what support from my team can look like for you.

God bless you, and take care.